Tuesday, May 4, 2010
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Interview with Alfonso Aguilo
RECONCILING
Take a
Interview with Alfonso Aguilo
Vice European Institute of Education (IEEE).
Learning to educate the feelings remains one of the major outstanding tasks. Often forget that feelings are a powerful human reality, and that, for better or for worse, are usually what drives us stronger and brings us back to our action.
People who enjoy a good educación afectiva suelen sentirse más satisfechas, son más eficaces y hacen rendir mejor su talento natural. En cambio, quienes no logran dominar bien su vida emocional, se debaten en constantes luchas internas que socavan su capacidad de pensar, de trabajar y de relacionarse con los demás. Sobre estas cuestiones entrevistamos hoy a Alfonso Aguiló, autor del libro Educar los sentimientos (Colección "Hacer Familia", Palabra, 1999).
EL OCASO DE UN MITO
- ¿Siendo tan importante la educación de los feelings, why so many people consider IQ as the main indicator of the personal skills?
- The longstanding issue. Since the early twentieth century, the idea became widespread that IQ is a fact of invariable and decisive game in the life of a person. Fortunately, that idea came into crisis many years ago, it is clear that having a high IQ can predict who will get perhaps as academic success is often evaluated in our educational system today, "but not much else. Not a guarantee of professional success, let alone successful and happy life.
There are many other capabilities that are more important, and among them are those relating to education of the feelings, as self-knowledge, self-control and emotional balance, the ability to motivate yourself and others, the social talent, optimism, ability to recognize and understand the feelings of others, etc..
- How to pay as much attention to the education of feelings, there is no risk of falling into an overly sentimental education?
- They are different things. Being a man of great heart, or have a deep emotional capacity, does not in itself a danger. And if it is, will be in the same way that it is dangerous to have a strong will and a prodigious intellect: it depends on what you use.
Obviously, this is not the reason to replace the feelings, nor otherwise. It tries to reconcile head and heart, both the family and in the classroom or in human relations in general.
RECONCILING
HEAD AND HEART
- And how you can find that balance?
- At first, we can not discredit the heart because some consider it mere sentimentality, neither intelligence because others see it as a mere rationalism or because others will reduce a fool voluntarism. The key is finding a good harmony.
For example, in recent decades have disclosed various crusades against different problems that threaten our society, school failure, alcoholism, teen pregnancy, drugs, youth violence, etc.. However, once again and found that often arrive too late, when the situation has reached major proportions and is strongly rooted in the lives of these people.
And that happens because the information, though important, usually resolves itself very little. Most times the problem is not the drug itself, or alcohol, or school failure, but the emotional crisis that cross these people, and lead them to seek refuge in these errors.
- Is the solution then is to better educate the feelings?
- In large part, yes. Man is not always enough to understand what is reasonable and then, only with that, practice. Human behavior is full of shades and nuances that escape the rigors of logic, and walking free moving springs of the will and subconscious feelings.
- have a lot of heart but sometimes betrays ...
- It is clear that there are numerous flaws and defects that can coexist with a big heart. There are people of great heart who are alcoholics, angry, lying or dishonest. But in general we can say that the richness and fullness of a person depends largely on their emotional capacity.
Most truly human is to be a person of heart, but let it tyrannize us. That is, without considering the supreme guide of our lives, but having it be intelligence educate whoever is appointed. Educate them to take us to great things passionate, with ideals worth fighting for. It is true that passions do mourn and suffer, but that does not have to be a bad thing because "maybe you can give a good lesson, or take out a major project, or really love another person, from indifference? Without passion, would they have been great men who have filled with light and power our history, our literature, our culture? While our passions to educate us more human, freer, more valuable.
REALITY "Dark and mysterious?
- Do you think that education is a task feeling a bit neglected?
- Yes As noted by José Antonio Marina, the misleading impression that the feelings are real dark and mysterious, irrational, almost beyond our control, has resulted in many people a substantial deepening disinterest in their education. However, the feelings are influenced, correctable be stimulated. Can be modeled much more than it at first appears.
is true that most of the feelings can not be produce directly and freely. We can not create feelings of joy or sorrow with the same ease with which we do other acts of will (as governor, for example, arm movements). But we can influence our happiness and our sadness in an indirect way, paving the way within, stimulating or rejecting the emotional responses that arise spontaneously in our hearts.
- Some consider this is to hide the spontaneous feelings to be replaced by others who do not actually have, and therefore false, or at least artificial .
- I think it should not be so, since what is sought is not distorted feelings, but to build our own emotional style. We must be the protagonists of our own lives, instead of thinking that we are inexorably tied to a romantic destination.
If a person says, for example, which is being dominated by feelings of envy, or selfishness, or resentment, what you should do is try to contain these negative feelings, while seeking to stimulate the corresponding positive feelings. Thus, over time achieved they will carry the day on those, and so will positively transform their own emotional life.
- And the feelings influence the virtues?
"Every sentimental style favors a stock and hinders others. Therefore, every sentimental style help or hinder a psychologically healthy life, and help or hinder the practice of virtues and values \u200b\u200bthat we want. You can not forget that envy, selfishness, aggressiveness, or laziness, are certainly shortcomings of virtue, but also gaps the proper education of the feelings that help or hinder such virtue. The practice of virtue promotes the education of the heart, and vice versa.
BE GOOD PERSON
- What do you think that relationship between education of feelings and moral education?
- I will answer based on an example. I remember once, long ago, when a professor friend of mine, referring to a student of his eleven years, looking nice and awake, he said:
"That kid is really extraordinary, a very talented person ... it is a pity you do not have a good heart. He likes to entertain others throw them in trouble
and then removed him slip out of the way. usually go about their business, although, as is done, you know to hide. But if you look closely, you realize that it is selfish to amazing extremes.
very good notes, and have great potential for almost everything. The bad thing is that seems to enjoy humiliating to those who are weaker or less intelligent, and insensitive to their suffering. And do not think that I have a hobby. It is the brightest of the class, but not a good person. I'm impressed by your head, but I am terrified her heart. "
When we look at cases like that guy, we understand immediately that should be paid particular attention to moral education. And that a good education sentimental has to help, among other things, to learn, if possible, to enjoy doing good and doing evil feel angry.
- That's not always easy. How can this be achieved?
- Within us there are feelings that push us to do well, and, with them, swarm also others like infectious insects that threaten our moral life. So we must try to shape our feelings to help us as possible to feel good about what helps us build a harmonious personal life, full and accomplished. And to feel bad otherwise.
ATTRACTIVENESS WELL
"But there are times that doing good is not at all attractive ...
- is true, and therefore I say that we must seek to educate the feelings to help as possible to the moral life. For example, if a person feels discomfort when lying, and satisfaction when it is sincere, it will be a great help in the moral life. Like if you feel uncomfortable when it is unfair or selfish, or lazy, or unjust, because all that you walk away from those mistakes, and sometimes with much more strength than many other arguments. Hence, knowing the importance of educating vividly show the attractiveness of virtue and goodness.
- Why is it so important that image?
- If a person manages to form an attractive idea of \u200b\u200bthe virtues you want to buy, and try to bear in mind these ideas, it is much easier to get to have these virtues . Achieved, moreover, that this path is less painful and more satisfying. Conversely, if you think constantly in the attractiveness of services to Avoid (A poor and despicable appeal, but always there, and whose power should not be underestimated), it is likely that the undeniable charm that always have those errors make it harder for them unstuck.
So delve into the attractiveness of the property, to represent it within us as something attractive, cheerful and inspiring, it is more important than it seems. Many times, the improvement processes are undermined simply because the image of what you get is proposed is not sufficiently suggestive or desirable.
- So, with an excellent education feelings effort would cost only lead an exemplary life?
- It is clear that cost less as usual. Anyway, no matter how good the education of a person, do good, you will often be a mature, sometimes larger. But that person knows that always wins with the good work.
Entre Familia Soy Feliz
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much should help a child at home
's 8 night. Even better would be to speak of the critical hour.
There are still doing homework, the shoes are quite dusty, poor get the baked chicken and the dad is coming to face one day have been fatal. What a wonderful, thought to be inside the mother, which my kids cooperate a little more. They're pretty big!
But is it just a "little" what ought to expect a teen mom, or what would be fair to put the shoulder every day?
Antes de hablar sobre la ayuda que podríamos pedir a los hijos, hay que referirse al tema de "no dar más trabajo" del que ya existe en la casa, lo que, por cierto, no es nada fácil de conseguir: que no entren con los pies embarrados, que no dejen la cocina inmunda cada vez que la usan. Es decir, mucho antes de pedir ayuda a los hijos en la casa, hay que haberles inculcado el no dar más trabajo, y es entre los 7 y los 11 años, principalmente, cuando los niños adquieren determinados hábitos de sana convivencia familiar:
- La ropa sucia no se tira al suelo, sino que se deja en el lugar indicado.
- Los desperdicios se tiran al basurero, no en cualquier parte.
- Las toallas se dejan colgadas en la percha, no tiradas en el suelo.
- Las puertas no se abren ni cierran a patadas, porque se ensucian y rompen.
- Al llegar del colegio las mochilas y el uniforme se dejan ordenados, no esparcidos por la escalera.
Estos son signos de buena crianza. O detalles, dirán otros, pero que cuando los padres no los han cultivado y exigido con perseverancia, generan, después, other problems in adolescence. The children do not value the work of others, or what it means to live in an orderly home, and their implications in the use and exploitation of available resources. Shall not be considered part of a team where they do or do not do affects others.
Therefore, when children have been trained since childhood to implement these habits, the daily work of the house looks quite relieved. Only then can we think to ask certain contributions to our children. These "aids" can be divided into three groups:
- Decisions involving himself: to maintain his room, desk and closet organized, put his clothes for the next day, make the bed the weekend.
- Those that are related to the coexistence and involve rapid provision of assistance: answering the phone rather than let it ring until the other side gets bored, pick up what's lying, stretch the carpet to avoid the next landing on the floor.
- Those that relate to the welfare of others: to buy bread, washing ...
Nobody benefited the child
That a son to take over their own affairs should be a continuing obligation, because although apparently this help is a relief for the mother and the maid The biggest beneficiary is himself. Much better for him to know where to put the black jacket and he hid the first letter of the friend, who spend hours and hours looking.
may sound harsh to say and more parents hear it, but if a child between 12 and 16 years is not able, at least, than worry about things, no one but the parents are responsible. Why? For the overprotective and treat it as a small child when it is not or because they have not given a minute to recognize their abilities. Case in point: the father who asks his son of 12 that will plug the hole, before which the child, astonished, replies: "Great, if today was not allowed to touch the plugs!" Or because they feel the "inexhaustible wealth syndrome" that mother that when her daughter was 15 years study trip was requested, please do not come back with all the dirty underwear. Easy, he thought his daughter, and bounced away.
Join a team
will be much easier to get any kind of help, to the extent that we see our children that the house is not a board where you eat and sleep, but a home. And, therefore, parents and children must understand that all these "aid" are not just for the house to "work", but that there is more harmony.
Every day, countless situations arise that require the assistance of all: the phone ringing, the lights on, no paper in the bathroom, etc.. It is therefore important to make clear that the family is a team and it is therefore essential that you use the bathroom spotless must leave to the next.
This type of aid, rather than required, they are taught, which requires perseverance and, of course, for example.
Can I replace it?
Finally, aid is related to the welfare of others and that make up the dream of some parents: their children to replace in tasks that correspond to them: the purchase of the house or studying with the younger siblings.
All families will comes time to use these orders, either because the mother works in an office, because there is an employee is out of doors, or simply because it is a large family. But here the parents should be aware that it is only an aid and in no way relieves them of being responsible for it in the pantry is not a can of tuna or that the Theresa might have gone wrong with the math test.
must be careful in this regard, to avoid the temptation to ask adolescents orders familiar to those who are not yet mature. Here the wisdom of parents in proposing aid is essential. Must be specific and ask them for a limited time only serves as requested be rotated among siblings of similar ages. The idea is that the order did not seem like a punishment. Examples: pay some bills, cooking when the employee is or go get his brother to school.
not forget to ask for some help does not interrupt, unless necessary, their obligations, duties, hours of study, school commitments, nor stand in their views. The most logical and sensible, "is that if the Sabbath is invited to a barbecue, go and not be washing dishes.
In practice
managers should consider as a partnership and not as a required task. Hence the importance of showing children that they are made for the love of family and home.
- Good appeal to children, although there is household help. Ultimately, any work performed within the home, is home to good habits.
- Orders should be allocated regardless of the sex of recipient. Life has many turns and is very useful that a man knows how to make toilet and a woman can fix a plug. Should be given the opportunity to learn to do everything at home.
- Between 12 and 16 years is the stage of the lugs. They are larger but also more disjointed. It may not be appropriate to ask them to be responsible for washing dishes, unless the slab is downright cheap.
- a "no" payment for favors granted. From time to time I will not misspell a small reward, but from there to set it as a policy home would be fatal. Will never love anything or home or to others.
- No, also to the inconsistency of the parents. Signal is bad for children if they see their parents treating them like children at times, sometimes as adults. If they send them alone to do some processing of the father, although they can go alone to the house of a friend (obviously, if distance and time do not pose a risk).
"Why not me it help?"
- For correcting you go back and doing it all again. We must tolerate the rumpled bed, the covered positions backward, poor rinsing dishes ... No one does things right the first time. Your child will feel important if you believe and believe in him and his abilities.
- Because we know how to ask the right help. First look and see what the natural abilities of each child. Do not ask him to keep it sharper dishes.
- Because you're a neat freak and likes that his house is spotless 24 hours a day. Wait a teenager when it ordered her school books or "move" to sweep the garden is patience and tolerate the mess for a while. Check the attack and, once requested aid, do not you.
- Because, perhaps unwittingly, is overprotective, you no longer remember what he could do at that age, but more of what you think. Children from lower income families are far more autonomous and since very little alone go shopping, take their siblings to school and take care while parents are at work.
Entre Familia Soy Feliz
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